When your truth feels like too much
There is a very fine line between what I share and what is personal. Especially as it relates to my growth, parenting, and relationships.
Because these shared experiences - while I certainly have my own perspective - aren’t mine alone. And not every detail is mine to tell.
But sometimes … it leaves me feeling like I’m not able to honor my voice fully. Or truthfully.
Those moments when I am walking through something real. Something stretching. Something that is aching for a voice. And yet, I don’t know how to put words to it without exposing someone else in a way they may not be comfortable with.
Have you ever felt that?!
Like you have something important to say, but it’s stuck in your throat.
Or worse - like you’re wearing a muzzle.
It can be lonely, can’t it?
The Invisible Tension We Carry
How do we stand strong and witness our growth, our healing, and our truth …
When the people connected to it would prefer silence and privacy? Or maybe even blinders - pretending it isn’t happening?
It can show up everywhere. In the big and small moments of life.
Health journeys of a loved one.
Challenges in relationships.
Differences in parenting styles.
Watching your kids walk through hard things. Big things.
Honoring our own boundaries - while others push back.
Boundaries. So important and yet a constant balancing act. 😵💫
And still, in the middle of all this we are expected to keep it together.
Be gracious, kind and strong. Composed.
But no one talks about the cost of that.
When Silence Feels Like Self-Abandonment
There are seasons I have felt voiceless. It’s not only frustrating - it feels completely inauthentic.
Like a slow fading or death within my soul.
Dramatic? Maybe, but true.
If you’ve ever pasted on a smile in public when quietly unraveling inside …
you know exactly what I mean. And I would bet money you can relate.
This isn’t to say I want to hang everything out to dry for all to see. That’s a bit much, right?!
However, appearing to remain composed, keep it in, filter words, and still show up takes an incredible amount of energy.
And some days … I just don’t have the energy that requires.
Learning to Hold Truth and Boundaries
As I continue to grow in this area, I’ve had to ask some really tough questions:
Who can I lean on right now?
Who has earned the right to my truth, where I feel safe and held?
Am I truly alone in this? Or is it isolation?
What part of this journey is mine to share?
What support do I need and does that require me to share all the details?
Is this shame I’m carrying? Or a story I’ve created?
And to be quite honest, it has forced me to look codependency in the face. 🥴
Oof.
Because - surprise, surprise - not every hard thing happening is mine to carry.
That lesson has been especially challenging for this little mama!
If any of this hits home for you, I’d encourage you to consider the questions above that provided clarity and a release of pressure. And stay tuned, because the next post is going to expand on how we can learn to walk with those we love instead of for them as well as imagine who we are becoming.
Motherhood is literally about growth and expansion (just remember that glowing belly that was home to your babies for nearly a year!). It’s just that maybe you were a bit unprepared like I was that the growth and expansion was going to take on many more forms throughout your journey!
With love and grace,
Caryn
