Whose map are you following?

“Is this the life I’m intended to lead? I have everything I’ve wanted, so why do I still feel like something is missing?”

The unsettled feeling that something is just off but you can't quite put your finger on it. From a 30 foot view, life looks ideal. Others would die to have your life. You’ve got the purpose, the partner, the family, the fun, the house, your health. You are at a place that at one point was your ideal life. Now that you are here, however, you feel a little less lit up by it all.

Yah, I’ve been there too. More than once. 

I was blessed to be a stay at home mama, creating the home I’d always dreamed of. Yet, when the girls went to school and I was alone in my immaculate home not knowing what to do, I realized I’d prioritized everyone else for so long I no longer knew what made me happy. I’ve come to realize each time this question and dis-ease creeps into my awareness, it’s a gift- as if there is a neon sign telling me I missed the turn. The mental and emotional energy I spent trying to decode the mysterious map was exhausting. It took me recognizing I was using someone else’s map in an effort to find my way.

Values work was the key to discovering my own map. 

I was on a coaching call in the middle of COVID when she asked me how I wanted to feel. At the time I was navigating my dad’s weakened immune system, a family desperately needing contact with others, a teen daughter’s mental struggles, & my self-imposed role of taking care of everyone but myself. I didn’t have words, so instead I stacked my hands, fingers of my left hand overlapping the palm of my right, placed them in front of my heart and said, “This.” It took a few years to realize that the illusive word was ALIGNMENT. Life suddenly felt a little (a lot?!) out of sync through my new filter. 

I began evaluating all the areas of my life through the lens of my personal values. Where was I in alignment? Where wasn’t I? What was missing and what could I add in to meet my natural desires and strengths? While it’s been a fun journey and has created a new career path for me, I won’t provide the illusion that it was easy. Yet, don’t all good things take time? This was me choosing my hard.

Remaining in discomfort and misalignment is hard. Choosing change is hard.

Health issues are hard. So is being fit.

Allowing boundaries to be crossed is hard. So is defining and honoring boundaries.

Relationship discord is hard. Challenging, aligned conversations are hard too. 

Financial issues are hard. So is financial discipline.

I choose my hard every day with intention

Figuring out my values has naturally provided a filter to define boundaries and choose activities. It serves me when I need to understand why an off-handed remark causes an instant flare-up. My values have given me a language to stand up for myself with family and friends. Most importantly, it is a framework to build my life around. They aren’t walls so much as the foundation and support beams. 

Our bodies, emotions and thoughts will tell us when we are not living in alignment. That job that we should be grateful for but feels like torture daily. The fights that continue to come back like a possessed boomerang. The hollow feeling in your chest, “I have everything, why do I feel empty?”. Dulled joy. All of those point to a value-depleted life. 

The good news is you don’t need to blow your life up to come back into alignment. We don’t perform surgery when your back is out - you make an appointment to see the chiropractor! Same, same. Figuring out your values allows you to evaluate where in life you’re out of sync and explore what could fill the void. It is a fun process, and I guarantee you will learn so much about yourself that makes complete sense. 

It is a homecoming and I will gladly hang the Welcome Home banner for you! 

Ready to dip your toe in? Check out my free Joy to Values workbook and schedule a free 20 minute connection call to see what steps are the right ones for you. I can’t wait to introduce you to yourself again!