I remember a specific volleyball tournament I was at. I was wearing a new sweatshirt I particularly loved with just a small, fitted tank underneath. My outfit had been chosen intentionally and was not intended to be worn separately. But at some point I was dying of heat, completely uncomfortable, and fanning myself like the perimenopausal woman I am! My friend looked at me and sweetly asked why I didn’t take my sweatshirt off and then we died laughing about dumb excuses I had for not doing the obvious! (thank God for friends who bring us back to reality!)
Roles are like jackets we put on in Winter and forget we have the option to take them off in Summer.
We’ve discussed the roles you’re filling and if they are by choice or by chance. Sometimes we gladly choose a role and forget to examine if it continues to fit our current season. Other times a role is “given” to us and we don’t recognize we have any choice at all. Sometimes the role is like an old threadbare jacket not serving anyone!
We put these roles on like a piece of clothing. Initially we wear it around with pride and joy - telling others about our favorite coat, showing it off, and feeling the confidence we experience wearing it. Yet, months later Winter becomes Spring and then summer and we are still wearing the jacket, complaining because we’re sweating. Forgetting we can simply take it off.
As we enter this season, I invite you to carve out a little time for yourself to reflect on the roles you embody specifically during the holidays. Name them, write them out, examine all it takes to fulfill this role. Energy. Time. Financial. Look at it from every angle.
What part of this role brings you joy? What aspects leave you resentful? What does it require regarding your time, your money, your energy?
I used to host Thanksgiving for our small family and looked forward to it with anticipation. The mothers would ask what they could bring and I gladly offered up small sides and snacks, but I reserved all the biggies … the turkey, the pies, the potatoes, the salads. Not because I love to cook necessarily, but because I wanted the pride of saying I hosted Thanksgiving dinner. It felt like what I was supposed to do as the only daughter and daughter-in-law. So when someone brought additional dessert or something outside of their own “assigned” dish, I was silently resentful and angry. Suddenly, my time and energy felt wasted.
Then one day I realized, they received JOY from cooking and baking. I did not. I received joy from providing the space and seeing everyone gather around my table. When I was able to recognize the coat I’d put on and make a choice to take it off and hang it up, holidays began to feel a lot more aligned with their purpose and allowed others to delight in their innate gifts.
Instead of resentment I now feel joy and fulfillment. And let me tell you - no one wants a secretly resentful host! Talk about dampening the mood! 😂
Sometimes our roles have not outgrown the season necessarily, but maybe you can add in something to make it more authentic and enjoyable to you. Or shift the way in which you approach and accomplish the task. Now I enjoy cleaning my home (it’s an odd love of mine), decorating for the holidays, lighting the candles, and welcoming people in. As for the meal, I fill in whatever is left and sometimes that means a bag of chips!
The holidays are meant to be enjoyed, a time for gratitude and gathering, celebration and laughter. How can you invite more of that into this season?
With love,
Caryn
