Is your role defining your worth?
There is a line in My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 where the mom asks her graduating daughter, “Am I always so close you see your shadow as two people?”
This scene stopped me in my multi-tasking steps. It hit closer to home than I like to admit.
Ever since I can remember, my worth was connected to how I showed up for, and how I appeared to, others. My value was in doing and that ran right through raising my family. It feels pretty dang rewarding to be needed, wanted, and appreciated. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that - in fact it is human nature.
There’s a fear that if we stop earning our place in people's lives through what we do for them, we might discover we don't belong at all.
So what happened when those kids grew up and needed me to be less present in daily life & more present in the background instead? What happened when my worth was not grounded in being needed, wanted and appreciated simply for who I am. What happened when I quit keeping everyone else comfortable in order to feel needed and loved?
I unraveled. That’s what happened.
When our worth becomes so tied up in our duties and roles, we can feel completely untethered and lose focus when life shifts. These are the moments we get to discover who we are as a woman apart from what we do as a woman.
As we enter fall and the trees begin to release their leaves in preparation for new growth to come, we can do the same. Examining where we have connected our worth to our roles allows space for new growth to emerge. It’s OK to feel the fear of not being needed or belonging anymore. The magic lies in realizing the freedom we experience and the places we naturally belong when we show up in our innate worth and accept who we are.
You were created and designed with precision. There is no mistake in that and your perceived weaknesses may not be for everyone, but what if those “weaknesses” are actually your strengths and what makes you … you?!
I may spend the rest of my life untying this knot, but here is what I am discovering:
✨The more I stand in my worth and lean uncomfortably into who I am, the more confident I feel.
💕It’s not my job to make sure everyone likes me. In fact, I don’t want everyone to … some people are not my jam and I am not theirs. I’m learning to be okay with this.
✨It’s really uncomfortable observing others’ reactions to me releasing roles that benefited them, but didn’t serve me. Keeping them comfortable is not my job and does not allow either of us to grow.
💕If I don’t show up as my true self, I don’t belong anyhow because no one truly knows me.
✨I get to be a model for my daughters - even if it’s messy and uncomfortable. Maybe they will do better from the start instead of working to untie knots 5 decades in. (although I guarantee they will still have some untying to do … that’s life.)
Learning to step back so both my daughters and I see our shadows as one has taken effort and intentionality. It is something I practice daily and fail at frequently. But I am determined to try again and again. I will do the uncomfortable work for the rest of my life if it means I get to step into the light of who I was created to be and shine for those willing to see me.
Remember this: untying your worth from a role does not mean you need to stop doing it. I will always be a mama who loves her girls and is present when they reach out. The difference comes when you stop needing to fulfil the role in order to define your worth. I
What is one role you have taken ownership of to define your worth and what shift needs to happen
for you to recognize your worth is not defined by how you fill this role?
Get curious this month and observe where you have connected your roles and tasks with your value. And then gently remind yourself: you are worthy, needed, valued, and appreciated simply for being you.
With love,
Cayn
